"Sometimes you just need to look reality in the eye, and deny it". -Garrison Keillor

Sunday was my first day ever of being the mamma when I was really, truly sick. I'll spare you the details, but I will say that napping with E when I'm coughing is an interesting experience because he would kick me in the back ever time I coughed, as though to say "stop making that noise, Mamma, you're bothering me."

We had Sunday arranged in such a way that I really needed to be the Mamma all day long. Josh had longstanding plans, and although he was doing them at home, it was important that I be Fully In-Charge of The Baby. This is difficult when all the cough medicine makes you want to do is fall asleep.

We had wondered if E would be either moved to some tender action by the coughing, or perhaps afraid of the weird barking noise I'm making. The actual answer is: neither. He takes no notice. Just ticks along in his own crazy toddler way - made crazier by the fact that he Did Not Want To Nap, although at three hours past where he should have napped I took him upstairs and first tried to bribe him into napping with books and milk, and then more-or-less forcibly hugged him in the bed (causing much wailing and thrashing) until he suddenly fell sound asleep.

By the time bedtime came, I was totally worn out, and, fearing that the Putting To Bed would be as much of an ordeal as the Napping was, Josh was kind enough to bring E upstairs and try to get him to lie down and go to sleep. E has never been a good sleeper (although he is much better than some) and getting him to lay his head down and relax enough -- forgo playtime and books and having his foot rubbed one more time -- to fall asleep is a long process. About 25 minutes after Josh took him upstairs, I had to open and close the front door for some reason.

E heard the door close, and thought Mamma had left. Oh, the heart-rending cries! The wailing!

The worst part was, I didn't realize this was why he was crying until Josh told me later. I just thought it was part of the normal struggle to get him to sleep. I wish I'd known (or not been so drugged up on cough syrup as to pay better attention), and I'd have gone up to him.

You can imagine my feelings, however, at the idea that my son associates the sound of the front door closing with me leaving. Something else we'll need to work on, I guess.